25 June 2009

Criminal Climate

NASA's climate expert, James Hansen, was arrested the other day. He committed the kind of crime a defense lawyer just loves to defend: a crime against a crime without a corresponding statute.

Mr. Hansen trespassed at the Goals Coal plant, in West Virginia. They're taking the top off a mountain there, using a mining practice which not only sort of messes with the natural skyline, but pumps enough carbon dioxide into the air that someday we'll be able to enjoy a year-round tropical paradise anywhere on earth.

And while I like skimpy bathing suits as much as the next guy or gal, some of the other effects of global warming constitute an environmental crime worth committing a crime against, a crime worth defending.

04 June 2009

50,000 Volts Can't Be Wrong

A Niagara County, New York, judge ruled here that when the police ask you nicely for a DNA cheek swab, you better open up your mouth and say "Ahhhh," or you've got an awful shock coming.

When a prisoner said instead, "No way," police zapped him with a 50,000-volt stun gun for encouragement. Judge Sara Sperrazza said that's okay. She's the only judge in the country who's said that, but it must have likewise brought some encouragement to former VP Dick Cheney, who doesn't understand why more people don't climb on the torture bandwagon he's worked so hard to put together.